Further remarks of a shrunken fish.

In an earlier post, I used the big fish/small pond to tiny fish/big ocean analogy to describe how I see my transition into University. Here's some more of that.

     I knew going from an advanced player in my high school orchestra to a university freshman in a renowned music program would be a big change. I put any ego I had aside and tried to open my mind to intense rehearsals and efficient practising. What I didn't fully understand I needed to prepare myself for was the hierarchy of music programs - particularly among string players.
     I had my first Music Education class the other day and realized that I am the only string player in the concurrent education program, and I think possibly the only string player in the faculty of education! At least in first year. This isn't really that incredible, I mean, there's only a handful of CTEP students in each year, but they're almost all vocalists or reed players! I don't know what it is about the saxophone that drives people to want to teach but it seems as though more than half of the Ed students are saxophone players. In 5 years there's going to be a sudden increase in saxophone classes available, watch out.
     Anyway, what's remarkable about me being a minority in my program is this: If I am the only first year string player in CTEP or Ed, it means alllllllll the others are either in perfromance, or striving to be in performance! The downside to this is that there is a general attitude among performance students that all who are not in the performance program, are not there due to lack of ability and skill, not by choice. I really admire these people and their love of their craft, but they don't seem to understand that music, is not necessarily my craft; teaching is.
     Here's the thing, I am at UofT because I really want to be a teacher and I really value music as a teaching tool and I happen to play violin. But, I am the only one who "happens to play violin". All others eat, breathe, sleep, and live violin. If I had a penny for every performance student who's asked me who I have "studied" under, or what "repertoire" I've worked on, well, I'd have a lot of pennies. I could probably get a chocolate bar..... well maybe not, there aren't many people in my faculty, but you get the idea. Who have I "studied under"? You mean who was my private teacher? A local woman you've never heard of. What "repertoire" have I worked on? Some Suzuki Method stuff and whatever that same local woman told me to try or thought I'd like. I guess these are normal musician-type questions, but never in my life have I been surrounded by so many dedicated and wholehearted musicians.
The nub of the hub is these string players (all performers), are the people I will musically associated with for the next 5 years. I think I will need to reassess how I compare myself so I am not discouraged in the ways I measure up.